im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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