two words: eviction party
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He better not be in your backpack
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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