Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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