he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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