You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
