Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize