So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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