Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
