Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sext me about skeletons
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
