I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
