Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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