Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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