I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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