Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
