he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize