Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
