i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
