i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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