im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
