And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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