My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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