what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize