I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Randomize
