Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize