I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
