I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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