Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
