then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
