Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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