i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
