I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
