Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
