is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
