Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
