She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize