No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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