I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize