Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
