I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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