in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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