So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
