Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize