Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I just put wine in my tea
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
