they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
