to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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