CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
