of course. lets lasso hookers.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
