I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
