Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your cock deserves a montage
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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