i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
