I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
