Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
