first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
