bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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