I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
worst night to have a conscience
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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