I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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