Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize