I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just tell him i said nine months
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
