I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
