He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've blown a few things in my day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
