so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
