it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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