next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
