He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
