Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
