You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
