Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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