but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
