Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
