I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
