I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
