I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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