No stitches, just platelets and will power
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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