Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Panties = found
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
