paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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