even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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