I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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