My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
