Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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