She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
