never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
