well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
