Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
