Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
