I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
