There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
