dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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