let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize