you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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