thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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