Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
