im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
