Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
