I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
