I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
